Pregnant stripper...not hot.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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