I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
