So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My liver just had a heart attack.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
