It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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