First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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