you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
