do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
