What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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