maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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