i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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