The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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