I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
