Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
