whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
