is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
