Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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