Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
