I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
