The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
