he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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