Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
