Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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