i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
