Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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