No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
