im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
