I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
PANTIES FOUND
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
