I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
