I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
