I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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