There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
