True but thats because hes a fetus.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
