you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
