Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
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It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
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So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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