operation have a gay friend backfired
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
