i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
