You took a bar mat shot.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
