i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
