You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
