dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I stole a fireplace last night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
