Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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