Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
