Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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