Please, let me fuck your mom
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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