We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
