i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And then my night got REAL pukey
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
