i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
