I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize