I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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