he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
