i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
