my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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