Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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