so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
