you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
