dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just pee around me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
