i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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