I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
