He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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