no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
