I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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