he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
