I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
